How to Let Go and Forgive

 by Leo Babauta

We’ve all been hurt by another person at some time or another — we were treated badly, trust was broken, hearts were hurt.

And while this pain is normal, sometimes that pain lingers for too long. We relive the pain over and over, and have a hard time letting go.

This causes problems. It not only causes us to be unhappy, but can strain or ruin relationships, distract us from work and family and other important things, make us reluctant to open up to new things and people. We get trapped in a cycle of anger and hurt, and miss out on the beauty of life as it happens.

We need to learn to let go. We need to be able to forgive, so we can move on and be happy.

This is something I learned the hard way — after years of holding onto anger at a loved one that stemmed from my childhood and teen-age years, I finally let go of this anger (about 8 years ago or so). I forgave, and not only has it improved my relationship with this loved one tremendously, it has also helped me to be happier.

Forgiveness can change your life.

Forgiveness does not mean you erase the past, or forget what has happened. It doesn’t even mean the other person will change his behavior — you cannot control that. All it means is that you are letting go of the anger and pain, and moving on to a better place.

It’s not easy. But you can learn to do it.

If you’re holding onto pain, reliving it, and can’t let go and forgive, read on for some things I’ve learned:

1. Commit to letting go. 

You aren’t going to do it in a second or maybe not even in a day. It can take time to get over something. So commit to changing, because you recognize that the pain is hurting you.

2. Think about the pros and cons. 

What problems does this pain cause you? Does it affect your relationship with this person? With others? Does it affect work or family? Does it stop you from pursuing your dreams, or becoming a better person? Does it cause you unhappiness? Think of all these problems, and realize you need to change. Then think of the benefits of forgiveness — how it will make you happier, free you from the past and the pain, improve things with your relationships and life in general.

3. Realize you have a choice. 

You cannot control the actions of others, and shouldn’t try. But you can control not only your actions, but your thoughts. You can stop reliving the hurt, and can choose to move on. You have this power. You just need to learn how to exercise it.

4. Empathize. 

Try this: put yourself in that person’s shoes. Try to understand why the person did what he did. Start from the assumption that the person isn’t a bad person, but just did something wrong. What could he have been thinking, what could have happened to him in the past to make him do what he did? What could he have felt as he did it, and what did he feel afterward? How does he feel now? You aren’t saying what he did is right, but are instead trying to understand and empathize.

5. Understand your responsibility. 

Try to figure out how you could have been partially responsible for what happened. What could you have done to prevent it, and how can you prevent it from happening next time? This isn’t to say you’re taking all the blame, or taking responsibility away from the other person, but to realize that we are not victims but participants in life.

6. Focus on the present. 

Now that you’ve reflected on the past, realize that the past is over. It isn’t happening anymore, except in your mind. And that causes problems — unhappiness and stress. Instead, bring your focus back to the present moment. What are you doing now? What joy can you find in what is happening right now? Find the joy in life now, as it happens, and stop reliving the past. Btw, you will inevitably start thinking about the past, but just acknowledge that, and gently bring yourself back to the present moment.

7. Allow peace to enter your life. 

As you focus on the present, try focusing on your breathing. Imagine each breath going out is the pain and the past, being released from your body and mind. And imagine each breath coming in is peace, entering you and filling you up. Release the pain and the past. Let peace enter your life. And go forward, thinking no longer of the past, but of peace and the present.

8. Feel compassion. 

Finally, forgive the person and realize that in forgiveness, you are allowing yourself to be happy and move on. Feel empathy for the person and wish happiness on them. Let love for them, and life in general, grow in your heart. It may take time, but if you’re stuck on this point, repeat some of the ones above until you can get here.

BE HAPPY !!!

A Birthday Wish

By Joanna Fuchs

God gave a gift to the world when you were born ~
a person who loves,
who cares,
who sees a person’s need and fills it,
who encourages and lifts people up,
who spends energy on others rather than him/herself,

someone who touches each life he/she enters,
and makes a difference in the world,
because ripples of kindness flow outward
as each person you have touched, touches others.

You are a special treasure
for all that you’ve done.

May the love you have shown to others
return to you, multiplied.

You are a gift
of peace and tranquility
Your birthday's a time for careful reflection
About your life, and its future direction.
You see where you've been when you look at the past;
Most of it's great;
you had quite a blast!

You wonder what's coming,
what life has in store;
Will it be just the same?
Will there be a new door?

Remember this,
as you blow out the last candle:
Life holds no challenge that you cannot handle.

On your birthday, special one,
I wish that all your dreams come true.
May your day be filled with joy,
Wonderful gifts and goodies, too.

On your day I wish for you
Favorite people to embrace,
Loving smiles and caring looks
That earthly gifts cannot replace.

I wish you fine and simple pleasures.
I wish you many years of laughter.
I wish you all of life’s best treasures.

I wish you the happiest of birthdays,
and many, many more,
so that others have time to appreciate you
as much as I do.

Happy Birthday!

The Prayer Of The Chalice

by Francis Nuttall

 Father, to Thee I raise my whole being,
a vessel emptied of self. Accept Lord,
this my emptiness, and so fill me with
Thyself - Thy Light, Thy Love, Thy
Life - that these, Thy precious Gifts
may radiate through me and overflow
the chalice of my heart into
the hearts of all with whom I
come in contact this day
revealing unto them
the beauty of
Thy Joy
and
Wholeness
and
the
serenity
of Thy Peace
which nothing can destroy

Recipes For Self-Love

Take full responsibility for your life.
Stop blaming others.
See yourself as the cause of what happens to you.


Do things you like to do.
Don't stay in a job you don't like.
Participate in life at the highest level you can.

Stop terrorising yourself with your thoughts.
Be gentle and kind and patient with yourself.


Give yourself the simple pleasures of life abundantly.
Wear clothes you feel good in, get a massage etc.


Watch what you say. Avoid self put-downs.
Stop being critical of yourself and others.


Take care of your body.
Give it exercise and good food.


Be willing to create a life-style that generates and nourishes self-esteem.
Associate with others with high esteem.


Acknowledge yourself frequently.
Keep a diary of your successes and accomplishments.


Avoid comparing yourself with others.
Remember that it's who we are, not what we do, that's important


Give yourself permission to do nothing periodically.
Schedule time by yourself.


Frequently take deep breaths.
Discover the benefit and pleasure of breathing fully.


Eat first class frequently.
Don't look at the right side of the menu.


Stop trying to change others.
Focus your attention on being the way you want others to be.


Look into a mirror regularly
and say "I love you, I really love you".


Stop feeling guilty and saying "I'm sorry".
See mistakes as valuable lessons and avoid judging yourself.


Consciously generate positive thoughts and feelings of self-love
in place of old thoughts of inadequacy.


Be willing to laugh at yourself and at life.
Stop taking yourself so seriously.


Accept compliments from others without embarrassment.
Don't invalidate their positive thoughts and feelings about you.


Be kind to your mind.
Don't hate yourself for having negative thoughts.
Gently change your thoughts.


Keep your awareness and your thoughts focussed in present time
instead of living in the past or future.


Acknowledge others frequently.
Tell them what you like and appreciate in them.


Invest money in yourself.
Go to seminars, workshops and courses that develop your talents.


Make a list of 10 things
you love doing and do them frequently.


Treat yourself as you would treat someone you really loved.
Praise yourself.

take from:

http://www.sapphyr.net/largegems/self-love.htm

Let Go

To 'let go' does not mean to stop caring;

it means I can't do it for someone else.



To 'let go' is not to cut myself off;
 
it is the realisation that  I must not control another.



To 'let go' is not to fix;
but to be supportive.

To 'let go' is not to be in the middle
arranging all the outcomes;

but to allow others to effect their destinies.

To 'let go' is not to be protective;
it is to permit another to face reality.

To 'let go' is not to regret the past;
but to grow and live for the future.



To 'let go' is to fear less
and love more.

take from:

http://www.sapphyr.net/largegems/letgo.htm